Heartbeat
by Zzeer0
Summary: And at that instant Matt's heart began to beat with the consistency it always beat with while at Wammy's: Mel-lo, Mel-lo, Mel-lo. Over and over and over again until his entire life beat with Mello, and he lived for Mello and he would die for Mello and Mello, Mello, Mello. MattxMello.


**Update: Yeah, so I wrote this back in '07... Rereading it, I discovered it had some really stupid mistakes. So I'm fixing them and adding more to the story. I apologize if you read the unedited version at some point, because it was just ridiculous how clumsy my writing was. It was five years ago, guys. Forgive me. Also, I did my best to make the writing flow, but some parts were written in '07 and some in '12. So there may be some discrepancy, but I really did my best!**

MattxMello. Yaoi. Slash. Whatever. Spoilers. Kind of OOC in parts.

I don't own _Death Note_.

-XxX-

Sometimes Matt wondered what he what have done with his life if not for Mello. Who would his best friend in school have been? Who would he talk to? Tell about nightmares that nobody but Mello knew? Who would whack him over the head and swear at him for keeping a baseball bat under the bed for the zombies? Who would his first kiss have been? First sex? First love? When he actually stopped to think about it, his life would be so different without Mello that he doubted he would have even ended up being the same person at all. He wasn't sure if he liked the fact that he had been (and continued to be) so influenced by a single person. He didn't dwell much on it though. He tried not to dwell on much of anything. As usual, however, Mello made that challenging.

-XxX-

Matt remembered when he had first met Mello. At the age of seven, he had been at Wammy's house for only about six months. He remembered walking down the hallway to his room, not really paying much attention because of the GameBoy clutched in his hand. Earlier that day, Roger had pulled him into his office and told him that he was finally getting a room mate. He didn't think much of it, asPokémon was much more interesting. As he stepped through the doorway furiously mashing on buttons, he walked straight into someone. He glanced up. A small blonde boy wearing black pajamas and bearing the bluest eyes he had ever seen stared back at him. Matt looked back down at his game and stepped around his new room mate.

"Sorry," Matt mumbled as he went to sit down on his bed, sparing no attention to the newcomer. That apparently was the wrong move to make, as barely five seconds later the game was snatched out of his hands and thrown against the wall.

Matt stared worriedly at the GameBoy, hoping that nothing was wrong with it and then allowed himself to look at the now seething boy who had thrown it.

"Don't ever ignore me like that!"

Matt looked back at him, studying him. Then he walked calmly to the wall and picked up the GameBoy and attempted to turn it back on. Nothing happened.

"Are you listening to me?!"

"You broke it," he said, starting to dislike this blonde boy.

"It's your own fault for not paying attention to me!"

Matt stared at him and then walked out of the room.

That night, he couldn't sleep. He usually gradually fell asleep after playing on his GameBoy for a few hours, but as the blonde boy (What was his name? Mel? Something like that?) had broken it, he tossed and turned for a few hours.

Then he heard it. A soft sob. Then a sniffle. Then another sniffle. Then another sob. He squinted in the dark, looking at his room mates bed. Sure enough, the covers were pulled way over his head and they were shaking.

At first his reaction was, 'serves him right, for breaking my GameBoy.' However, as the sobs continued, Matt thought of his first night at the orphanage. He was happy he didn't have a room mate at the time, because he knew he had cried well into the night, thinking of his parents and sister, their dead faces haunting him. Before he really realized what he was doing, he was getting out of his bed, pulling back the covers of the bed next to his, pushing the blonde over gently, and getting under the covers with him. He felt the boy tense up, as he had his back turned to Matt. Matt wrapped his arms around him, and put his head over the blonde's, murmuring, "Shh," and felt the blonde begin to shake more than he already was. Suddenly, the boy had flipped over, burying his face in Matt's chest and started loudly crying. The soft sobs were gone, replaced with gasps and tears.

"I know," Matt said softly. He rocked the blonde back and forth and stroked his hair. "I know."

-XxX-

After a few weeks, Matt began to notice a routine. Every night, the blonde would cry, and every night, Matt would hold him. During the day, they ate lunch together, but didn't say much. Matt learned the blondes name: Mello. He found it ironic, as there was nothing "mellow" about the blonde kid. He was loud, and always jumped into fights with the other boys at the orphanage.

One day, about a month after Mello's arrival, Matt was sitting in the playroom mashing buttons on the new GameBoy he had acquired, when he had the device ripped out of his hands again. He looked up at two angry looking kids that he knew he had classes with.

"So, you scored third again," began one of the boys.

Matt sighed, realizing what this was about. Near had scored first, more than likely. Mello had probably scored second. No matter what anyone did, it was impossible to get a reaction from Near. Mello, on the other hand, had already proved that he wouldn't hesitate to send anyone who tried anything on him directly to the nurse's office. That left Matt, who was once again in third place. Matt was starting to get annoyed. This would be the fourth GameBoy that was broken in the past month and a half. He glanced around, finding that there were no teachers. Of course, just his luck.

He received a sharp punch to the face. Maybe if they got no reaction out of him, they would leave him alone. It worked for Near. He tried to make his face look bored, but he had a feeling he had only succeeded in making a grimace. Another punch. Then another.

And then, he heard a shout of, "What do you think you're doing?!"

Mello. Oh. Suddenly the hands holding him were ripped away, and he opened his eyes to see Mello punching, kicking, and biting any part of the two boys he could get his hands, feet, or mouth on.

"Get out of here, and if you mess with him again, I promise I can do worse."

Matt slowly sank to the floor next to his abandoned GameBoy and then looked up to see Mello staring down at him.

Mello held out a hand to him and then smiled. Matt had never seen him smile before. He had only seen him sneer, frown, or scowl. Matt stared. He thought it was the most beautiful thing he had seen in his entire life. Only when he saw the smile slowly fading off Mello's face did he blink and grab the hand offered to him.

"Thank you," he said softly.

"I'm the only one who's allowed to break your things! I'm the only one who's allowed to touch you! Okay?"

Mello certainly was strange. However, Matt grinned back at him, realizing he had found his first friend. "Okay," he found himself saying.

And with that, his heartbeat began to change over time. Changing from a steady _thump, thump, thump _to a steady _Mel-lo, Mel-lo, Mel-lo, _for Matt was a very loyal person and Mello became everything to him.

-XxX-

Being Mello's best friend was challenging. He was demanding, he was stubborn, he was loud, brash, and God help you if he went without chocolate for too long. Even so, Matt was happier than he had been his entire life. Things did start to get awkward when Matt turned thirteen, however. Oh, things got very awkward indeed. Everything had been completely normal. Nothing out of the ordinary had been going on; Mello ate chocolate, Matt played video games. And then puberty happened. Matt started to feel awkward all the time when Mello was close by. They shared a room, they had changed clothes in front of each other for years. Suddenly though, if Matt so much as saw Mello without a shirt on his face would turn the color of his hair. It was quite awkward. Whenever Mello looked questioningly at him when his face turned red, Matt suddenly wanted to run in the opposite direction. Were eyes that blue even possible? Was his hair as soft as it looked? It was about two months that this had been happening that Matt realized what was going on. He had a crush on his best friend. Who was very much male. And did not have any interest in anyone of the same gender at all, as proved by Matt walking into his room to find his best friend sucking face with one of the girls at the orphanage, with his hand up her shirt. Shit. Why him?

As time went on, Matt started to wonder if it was just Mello, or if he just liked guys in general. After sitting up late one night on his computer, browsing different porn sites, he came to the conclusion that girls looked appealing to him slightly more than guys, but not as appealing as the blonde who was sleeping in the bed on the other side of the room. Fucking shit. Seriously, why him? It really wasn't fair at all.

Matt wasn't sure what to do from that point on. He knew he couldn't say anything to Mello as he didn't want to risk ruining their friendship. However, staying quiet about was proving more difficult than it should have been. He found himself staring longingly at the boy for longer and longer periods of time as the days wore on. It never really occurred to him that anyone else would notice. He was wrong about that too.

-XxX-

One bright sunny day in June when Matt was fourteen, all the kids were shepherded outside by the teachers to get some fresh air. Unlike most days, going outside was mandatory, as the teachers were beginning to notice that a couple of them never went outdoors. The teachers insisted to them that vitamin D was an important nutrient ("Vitamin D is naturally given out in sunshine," they were told) and they were all led out of the playroom and into the radiant sunlight.

Matt grudgingly settled down on the orphanage front steps, where he opened his handheld and began to play a game. However, after dying for the third time, he closed the device after noticing that it was so bright out that he could barely make out the moving characters. Instead he settled down to watch Mello play soccer.

"You know, you should probably tell him," came a bland voice to his side.

Matt glanced to his right to see a pale, white-haired, white pajama clad boy sitting next to him rubbing sun screen on his nose and looking down at a plain white puzzle. Matt's heartbeat sped up. Surely he hadn't meant...?

"Tell who what, Near?" Matt hurriedly applied his best poker face.

"Please don't play dumb, Matt. You are insulting my intelligence, as well as your own," Near replied, slowing turning his sharp gaze upon the now slightly panicking redhead. "Mello might not behave in a manner that suggests he may return your homosexual feelings towards him, but I feel that by not telling him you are doing yourself a disservice."

Screw slightly panicking, Matt now rather felt as though he had just received a shock from a defibrillator. He would not be surprised if his heart had actually stopped, and was now quickly picking up speed once again.

"Near... You... What...?" Matt heard himself stammer.

"Did Matt not hear me correctly? I said that you are doing yourself—"

"I heard you the first time, Near," Matt interrupted. "I was just surprised, is all."

"Of course Matt assumed that he was being unobtrusive in his bizarre partiality to examining Mello throughout the day, however he was mistaken."

Near's way of speaking on the subject was slightly making Matt want to punch him in his scrawny little face, but he refrained, deciding that doing that would simply be counter productive.

"I'll make sure to be more careful, thanks Near," Matt said, glancing around to be sure that no one was listening in on their conversation. "What were you saying about doing myself a disservice?"

"I merely wanted to point out the fact that Mello is bound to notice Matt's lurking and persistent goggling. I even must affirm that when Matt stares at Mello's lower regions, he is still remarkably obvious about it," Near shared, rather as if he were commenting on the weather.

Matt rather wished the ground would open up and swallow him whole...

"Er, am I Near?"

"Yes, so I suggest that Matt take more care in his practical eye-molesting. Either that or simply tell Mello his unorthodox feelings for him."

Matt began to calculate the chances of himself surviving if he per chance decided to climb the tallest tree at the orphanage to the top, and then let himself fall...

"However, I am also curious as to what Matt's hopes are if such a relationship was to take place. Does Matt believe that Mello would let Matt penetrate him? Or does Matt hope to be penetrated by Mello? I think there's a 90 percent chance that Matt would rather penetrate Mello than the other way around."

Fuck killing himself. Matt began to calculate the chances of surviving in a high-security prison should he decide to brutally murder the small albino sitting beside him.

"Uh, I really don't think that's any of your concern, Near..."

"Perhaps not. I was merely curious."

Matt nodded and opened his mouth to respond when a poorly aimed soccer ball hit him in the side of the head.

"Matt, what the fuck are you doing talking to the albino freak? Stop it and come play soccer with me. These kids fucking suck."

Perhaps it was a well-aimed soccer ball rather than a poorly aimed one... Matt immediately stood up to join Mello, happy to leave the awkward conversation with Near well behind him.

-XxX-

After that, Matt was much more careful about watching the blonde. However, being careful about it didn't last much longer. About a week later, Matt was sitting in the playroom playing on his new DS, when the handheld suddenly died. He sighed softly to himself, then shuffled out of the playroom and up to the room he shared with Mello to recharge it. He wasn't paying much attention when he reached his room and had taken a few steps in without looking up when he heard a _pop _noise and then a gasp. His head shot up and the sight in front of him immediately made him want to puke. Mello was sprawled out on Matt's bed, he had his face turned into Matt's pillow, his pants were around his knees, and a girl was sitting between them giving Matt the most wide eyed, horrified stare he had ever seen.

Matt felt his eyes fill with tears and his DS drop to the floor as he spun around and ran from the room. He slammed the door behind him and collapsed at the end of the hallway, sobbing. He was there for all of thirty seconds when he felt a hand on his back.

"Matt..."

His head shot up and he looked into his room mate's bright blue eyes. Mello's face looked concerned (as concerned as it got, at least).

"Matt I'm sorry..."

"Don't _sob _want to _sob_ hear it, Mello!"

"Matt... I know this looks bad..."

"Looks bad? Looks bad? Mello, you were in my bed!"

"I know, I'm sorry..."

"You fucking asshole! Why the hell were you in my bed?"

"Matt I know..."

"That's fucking disgusting! I sleep there!"

"Matt, I'm sorry..."

"Why would you take a girl into _my _bed?"

"Matt, listen..."

"How could you fucking do that? Do you even know—"

"Matt will you shut up and fucking listen to me?"

Matt stared up at him, wide eyed.

"I'm sorry. I know that it seems like a really fucked up thing to do—"

"It is a fucked up thing to do, Mello," Matt mumbled, glaring.

"Stop fucking interrupting me. This is hard enough to say as it is." Mello's eyes were burning as they stared into Matt's. "So please listen..." Mello paused and then took a deep breath. "I was in your bed because I wanted to smell you."

Matt's heart stopped. Surely this was a dream. Surely he was asleep because Mello could not have just said what Matt thought he had.

"You... What?"

"I said I wanted to smell you."

Matt couldn't believe it. Mello couldn't mean what Matt thought he meant. He just couldn't.

"Why?"

"Because I like you. Because I've liked you for years and I can't have you."

_Oh my God..._

"You're not kidding? This isn't a joke or anything is it?" Matt's eyes were the size of saucers and his mind was racing. "I swear, if you're just kidding around Mello, I am going to _kill _you."

"No, I'm serious," Mello said softly. And he looked it. He looked nervous and frightened and scared and Matt looked up at him, and felt his heart soar.

And then Matt snorted. And then out came a giggle. He was full out laughing hysterically when he noticed Mello looked like he was about to either punch him in the face, or start crying. The laughter stopped immediately.

"Mello..." Matt got to his feet, a wide smile on his face. "I'm sorry for laughing. It's just, well, me too."

Mello looked confused.

Matt reached forward, grabbed his hands, and gently tugged him forwards. He moved his right hand to the back of Mello's head and softly pulled his face to his own, and touched his lips to his best friend's. Mello seemed too shocked to move at first, but Matt wrapped one arm around Mello's back and pressed his lips more firmly against the blonde's. The kiss was soft, chaste, but Matt had never felt something so wonderful in his entire life. It was perfect.

When they broke apart, it was Mello's turn to take on the wide eyed look.

"How long?" he questioned softly.

"Since I turned thirteen," Matt answered him, smiling and holding his hands.

"You should have said something!"

"Mello, I caught you with your hand up that girl's shirt. Why the hell would I admit to liking you?"

"...Good point."

Matt let go of one of Mello's hands and slapped him on the side of my head. Hard.

"_Ow!_ What the fuck was that for?" Mello glared.

"For letting a girl blow you in my bed."

"I said I was sorry!"

"I forgive you this time, but if I catch you doing it again, I will end you."

"Why would I ever do that again? I have you now, don't I?" Mello suddenly looked concerned. "I do, don't I?"

"What kind of stupid question is that?" Matt asked with a laugh, kissing Mello on the head. "Of course you do. You always did, you just didn't know it."

They headed back to their room, hand in hand, the girl long gone and soon to be forgotten and the heartbeat of _Mel-lo, Mel-lo, Mel-lo _solidified in Matt for life.

-XxX-

The next year or so was the best of Matt's life. He remembered all the intimate times they shared together. Their first time together was perfect. Clumsy, yes, nerve-racking, yes, (for he didn't want to hurt the blonde) but Matt wouldn't have changed a thing about it. Everything about those months was wonderful. Matt's heart soared above and beyond the clouds almost 24/7. Yes, they fought and there was sometimes a cold silence between the two of them, but overall, everything was great. Everything was wonderful. Until L died.

-XxX-

Matt remembered walking into his room. He remembered stopping short, for everything of Mello's was gone. There was a note on his desk.

_I'll see you later, Matt._

I'll see you later? What? Where did Mello go? What happened? How could he leave him? After everything they went through, he just left. Left Matt alone. After every touch, every single moment they shared together. The times they had laughed, the times they had cried.

The times Matt wanted to sing with joy, for all was right with the world. All gone in an instant.

_I'll see you later, Matt._

Matt couldn't remember much after that.

And his heartbeat sounded so _wrong _in his ears.

-XxX-

After Mello had left, Matt had felt like he was missing something important. Like somebody had taken an arm or a leg from him. He had left the orphanage not long after Mello had. It was lucky he had gaming, hacking, and tracking skills or else he would have probably died from starvation or malnutrition. He just went through his days, as if he was living a dream. Get up, dress, eat some chips, have a smoke, brush teeth, run out the door, take a bus to the arcade, win, work for any clients he had, maybe go clubbing, go home, perhaps accompanied by some woman (preferably gothic, blonde, short hair), over and over and over again. But Mello put an end to that schedule too, lame as it was.

And he would remember that day. It would be the memory that flashed before his eyes as he was surrounded by black cars. That day, after he had come home after tracking some girl whose mother was sure that her daughter was hanging out with her friends and not studying at the local library (the girl turned out to be actually working in a grocery store) it started to snow. It never snowed in LA so Matt was ultimately shocked. What shocked him even more was when he walked up the steps of his shitty apartment building, there was a lump of black sitting in front of the door. He figured that yet another homeless guy had ended up on his front step.

"Hey!" he called, "What the bloody hell do you think you're doing?" he snapped at the black lump, revealing how he had lived in England for most of his childhood through his choice of slang.

The lump shifted. "Matt…." A rough voice whispered. What had turned out to be a tattered black blanket slipped off the lump's face, reveling torn and burned flesh that was covered with a layer of blood, short blonde hair with bangs (you could barely tell the color though, it was so dirty and caked in blood), and piercing blue eyes.

Matt froze. "Mel…? Mello? Is… is that you?"

Matt's childhood friend, his best friend, his leader, his childhood crush, his first kiss, his first sex, Mello, Mello, Mello, Mello.

And at that instant Matt's heart began to beat with the consistency it always beat with while at Wammy's: _Mel-lo, Mel-lo, Mel-lo_. Over and over and over again until his entire life beat with Mello, and he lived for Mello and he would die for Mello and Mello, Mello, Mello. And Mello was back. Mello was home. _Mello was with him again._

And Matt smiled. The first real smile he had showed in years. If he hadn't had his goggles on you would see his eyes doing cartwheels with happiness, ready to live again.

-XxX-

"Yo! Matt! What the fuck's your problem, man? I need chocolate and I need it now." Matt stirred feebly.

"Nhh… What, Mel? It's…" Matt glanced at the cheap clock he had found in a dumpster and repaired, "It's four in the morning!"

"I need chocolate and I need it now. Go get it."

"But…"

"Now."

It had been two months since Mello had moved in with Matt in his apartment. Matt wasn't sure if he liked it any more or any less. It was awesome to have Mello back, yeah of course. But really, getting up at four in the morning to get chocolate? That was just ridiculous. Not like Mello cared about being ridiculous. He was ridiculous half the time. But that was what made him Mello.

-XxX-

"Mel stay still!"

"Who are you to order me around? Dammit, Matt. Aurgh! It hurts!"

"Don't be such a girl!"

"Who're you calling a girl, you piece of shit?"

"Shaddup or I'll put the antiseptic in your eye!"

"You did not just threaten me!"

"Uhh.. Yeah, I think I just did."

"I hate treatment."

"I know."

"I hate the new L."

"I know that one too."

"I hate Kira."

"Me too."

"Shut up and heal me."

"….."

"Ahh! You brat! You did get it in my eye!"

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry."

"It hurts! Apologize again!"

"I'm sorry."

"You better be."

"I am!"

"…."

"…"

"I hate this scar."

"I know."

-XxX-

"So what'd you find out?"

"Uh… Misa Amane seems to be a regular girl…. Annoying, high-pitched, and totally not my type."

"That is not what I want to know, Matt."

"I know."

"Well? Tell me what I want to know!"

"She's kind of cute though…"

"Excuse me? What the hell did you just say?"

"I said she's cute."

"Oh yeah?"

"Yeah. 'Cause from a certain angle she kinda looks like you."

And soon they were in Japan.

-XxX-

Matt and Mello. Mello and Matt. They were finally back together. Smoking (Matt), kissing, eating chocolate (Mello), watching television, playing video games (Matt mostly but once in a while Mello would play too), joking, fooling around (in more ways than one), and _working on the Kira case._

Though nobody would ever guess it, Matt was probably the one who hated Kira most of all. The bastard had taken would have been a happy life with Mello away. They could have been together. Just together. The two of them. No Near, no L, and no Kira. Together forever, happy, you know? But with Mello nothing is ever that simple. Trying to keep up with Mello is like chasing a train on foot. And even if you do manage to keep up there's still the issue of getting hold to be able to board. It's impossible. But Matt's heart still beat to those two syllables again, and again, and again. Mel-lo, Mel-lo, Mel-lo and Matt knew that it would stop to those syllables too. Slowing down to a slow Mel….lo, …Mel…lo, ….Mel….lo, ….Mel….lo and then it would fade completely. He was going to die to the percussion of chocolate, blonde, rosaries, and black. There was nothing he could do about it. He loved Mello. He lived for him, he'd die for him, beating Mel-lo, Mel-lo, Mel-lo all the way.

-XxX-

"So you get the plan?"

_Mel-lo, Mel-lo..._

"Yeah, I get it."

"You sure?"

_Mel-lo, Mel-lo, Mel-lo..._

"Yeah."

"…."

"….."

"I think we should go over it again."

_Mel-lo, Mel-lo, Mel-lo, Mel-lo..._

"But…"

"So what you're going to do…."

_MEL-LO, MEL-LO, MEL-LO..._

"Mel…." His heart was threatening to burst with Mello….

"Listen, Matt."

"No, you listen." Matt had stood up. His voice was shaking and his goggles were filled with tears. He ripped them off.

"We're not getting through this one, Mel. This case will be the end of us at some point whether it's this plan, or the next one. I know Mel. I know you're doing this so Near can beat him. I was in Wammy's too, remember? It wasn't just you and Near. I was there too."

"Matt," Mello interrupted, "Get to the point. I'm busy."

"I'm sorry that your all too busy schedule can't even accommodate me, Mel. We're best friends right? Why won't you ever listen to me? It's always Near. Near, Near, Near. Is he all you care about?" Matt was screaming by now and tears were pouring down his face. "I love you! I love you, I love you, I love you! Surely you realized! Or were you to busy thinking about Near to even think of me? I love you and more than likely this plan of yours will kill me. Can you at least show some appreciation?"

Mello closed his eyes. "You better not share this with anyone, Matt." And with those words, the blonde got up, and wrapped his arms around the crying male. "You should know how I show my emotions by now, Matt."

"Yes, I just wanted you to say it."

"Hrm…"

"Say it."

"….I love you too, Matt."

Matt smiled and hugged Mello tighter, "And my name's Mail. Don't tell. Not anyone. I love you."

"Mail, huh? Cute. I like it. I suppose you want to know mine, too? It's Mihael."

Matt only smiled. "Can you explain the plan again? I really wasn't paying attention."

"What? You stupid gamer! I hate you!"

Matt laughed and slipped his goggles back on. "Just kidding. Let's go."

"Hey, hey! You don't just walk out the door! We need to get the stuff together."

"Oh, right."

-XxX-

And as the cars chased him, Mail felt the beat inside him speed up. Mel-lo, Mel-lo, Mel-lo. Mih-ael, Mih-ael, Mih-ael. He thought of their times at the orphanage, and their times in the last months they were together and as he felt the bullets hit him he thought of that snowy night in LA and his heartbeat slowed to a Mel…lo, ….Mel…..lo, …Mel…..lo, ….Mich….ael, …Mih…..ael, Mih…...ael.

And then it stopped completely.

-XxX-

Review. If you want to. It would mean so much to me!

**By the way, if you want to read any of the stuff I didn't add in here (such as Matt and Mello's first time) I would be happy to write it and post it here in another one-shot or a second chapter or something. Just review and tell me what you want written!**

Thank you so much for reading!


End file.
